A few months ago a colleague and fellow blogger, Wayne Evans (www.WayneScottEvans.com), was sharing with me his thoughts on Emotional Intelligence (EI). EI is comprised of the softer, more personal qualities of a Leader. As always after leaving a conversation with Wayne, I gave it much thought. Since that time, I have done a great deal of research, created a workshop on five components of EI and have come to a few conclusions.
One, emotional intelligence does not directly tie to textbook intelligence. Part of my investigation included meeting highly intelligent Leaders and inquiring how well they have managed their relationships in the work place. Many of these scholarly executives were very skillful at the financial, operational or technical aspect of their job. Yet, their ability to build and maintain strong relationships in and outside their organization was minimal.
Next, everyone has the potential to raise their level of emotional intelligence – no matter how “book” smart they are. I believe high IQ scores are not necessary to achieve excellence when it comes to overall EI. All successful Leaders possess it – some may work harder on it – but it is available to anyone with desire.
Lastly, elevating one’s EI begins with self-awareness and is then followed by self-regulation.
Self-awareness is the realization that you have things that you naturally do well and other opportunities for improvement. This deeper sense of presence can come from many places. It can be uncovered through assessments like DiSC or Myers Briggs, executive coaching, a therapist, mentor or good friend. The source of discovery is not as important and the enlightenment. There can be no positive development and personal growth without this first step.
When you are aware of these growth opportunities you can begin the practice of self-regulation. This is “catching” bad habits when they happen. It is the process of opening your mind to face your flaws and your willingness to change them. It isn’t easy and quick. It can take time and be frustrating. But through the self-regulation process you can continue to raise your level of Emotional Intelligence each and every day.
Using these two components of EI, self-awareness and self-regulation, is the beginning of creating a more fulfilled and successful life. Whether you are working on controlling your temper, enhancing your communication skills or practicing non-judgment, it can only happen when you are aware and then regulate the behavior.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Stop Networking!!!
Bet that got your attention. Yes, I am suggesting to stop networking… at the Chamber, your “Leads Group”, LinkedIn, and facebook. Just give it all up! With tons of books and experts out there selling their ideas on how to effectively network…why on earth would I suggest such a thing? Because I don’t believe in networking – I prefer connecting instead.
Consider this: the foundation of all successful relationships is built on mutual trust. The more we trust one another the more we are willing to give to each other. Creating trust can only be done by truly connecting with the person. The dictionary uses the term “relationship” when defining Connection. Networking on the other hand is defined as “the exchange of information”. Therefore, I say “Stop Networking and Start Connecting!”
Here are three simple ways to connect with others:
1. Be Approachable
2. Be Interested not Interesting
3. Be Responsive
Connection #1: Being Approachable is about positioning yourself as friendly and open to connect with others. The most important thing you can do is simply Smile! Think about the difference you feel walking up to a stranger that is smiling versus frowning. Approachability means you greet others first. Make sure you readily extend your hand before they do. Be the one that starts the conversation.
My tip for being more approachable when meeting new people at a gathering is to pretend you are the host versus attendee of the get-together. Now you can comfortably walk up and introduce yourself to strangers – with a smile of course.
Connection #2: Be Interested not Interesting. This is creating a dialog based on the other person. Now, you listen more and talk less - focusing on the words they say with the intent to respond. You stay present in the conversation concentrating on learning about the individual versus talking about yourself.
My tip for getting people to open up is to ask them: “How did you get into your business?” Then be genuinely interested in their response.
Connection #3: Be Responsive. Once you have the relationship started you need to follow up. Whether it is sending an email, connecting through social media or scheduling a meeting, you need to determine how you will build upon this initial connection to begin establishing trust with one another.
My tip for being responsive is to be the first to follow up and focus on what you can do for them, not the other way around.
Think about the beginning of your most successful relationships. I bet in looking back you didn’t network – you connected!
Consider this: the foundation of all successful relationships is built on mutual trust. The more we trust one another the more we are willing to give to each other. Creating trust can only be done by truly connecting with the person. The dictionary uses the term “relationship” when defining Connection. Networking on the other hand is defined as “the exchange of information”. Therefore, I say “Stop Networking and Start Connecting!”
Here are three simple ways to connect with others:
1. Be Approachable
2. Be Interested not Interesting
3. Be Responsive
Connection #1: Being Approachable is about positioning yourself as friendly and open to connect with others. The most important thing you can do is simply Smile! Think about the difference you feel walking up to a stranger that is smiling versus frowning. Approachability means you greet others first. Make sure you readily extend your hand before they do. Be the one that starts the conversation.
My tip for being more approachable when meeting new people at a gathering is to pretend you are the host versus attendee of the get-together. Now you can comfortably walk up and introduce yourself to strangers – with a smile of course.
Connection #2: Be Interested not Interesting. This is creating a dialog based on the other person. Now, you listen more and talk less - focusing on the words they say with the intent to respond. You stay present in the conversation concentrating on learning about the individual versus talking about yourself.
My tip for getting people to open up is to ask them: “How did you get into your business?” Then be genuinely interested in their response.
Connection #3: Be Responsive. Once you have the relationship started you need to follow up. Whether it is sending an email, connecting through social media or scheduling a meeting, you need to determine how you will build upon this initial connection to begin establishing trust with one another.
My tip for being responsive is to be the first to follow up and focus on what you can do for them, not the other way around.
Think about the beginning of your most successful relationships. I bet in looking back you didn’t network – you connected!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Your Reputation is Everything
In my upcoming book The Pied Piper Principle; Lead, and Your Business Will Follow, Your Reputation is Everything is one the principles. And, after all of the feedback I received from my last blog, “Enough is Enough!” I know my readers will easily relate to this one.
What do people think when they hear your name? What is the impression you leave behind? What do they say about you when you are not there? As you ponder these thoughts, do you smile inside knowing thoughts of you leave a favorable imprint? Or, do you somewhat cringe at what may be said when you are not around?
The dictionary’s definition of reputation is: “An overall quality of character as seen or judged by people in general”. Note the word judged. Although we strive to live a life without judgment we cannot hide from it. Every action we make is judged and forms our reputation.
So, fill in this blank: (Your Name) has earned a reputation of someone that (blank).
Could the blank be any of the following?
…is optimistic
…true to his word
…reliable
…confident
Or, is it possible the blank is filled with some of these:
…lies
…is never on time
…breaks promises
…you can’t count on
As I write these words, I know what I want my reputation to be. But, that is looking forward into the future. Right now my reputation and yours is based on our past actions. Luckily we can change it…but it takes time.
From this moment forward, consider each interaction you have establishes and solidifies your reputation. Whether it is in person or over the phone, in email on or Facebook, every single move you make is the essence of who you are.
Here is a simple exercise that demonstrates just how powerful a reputation is. As you read each word below, think about the first person that pops into your head.
Happy
Mean
Genuine
Hypocrite
Funny
Sad
For each one of those words, I know the image of someone entered your mind. That is the impression you have of them which in turn represents their reputation.
What words do you want to be associated with? What description do you want attached to your name? Remember “Your Reputation is Everything”.
What do people think when they hear your name? What is the impression you leave behind? What do they say about you when you are not there? As you ponder these thoughts, do you smile inside knowing thoughts of you leave a favorable imprint? Or, do you somewhat cringe at what may be said when you are not around?
The dictionary’s definition of reputation is: “An overall quality of character as seen or judged by people in general”. Note the word judged. Although we strive to live a life without judgment we cannot hide from it. Every action we make is judged and forms our reputation.
So, fill in this blank: (Your Name) has earned a reputation of someone that (blank).
Could the blank be any of the following?
…is optimistic
…true to his word
…reliable
…confident
Or, is it possible the blank is filled with some of these:
…lies
…is never on time
…breaks promises
…you can’t count on
As I write these words, I know what I want my reputation to be. But, that is looking forward into the future. Right now my reputation and yours is based on our past actions. Luckily we can change it…but it takes time.
From this moment forward, consider each interaction you have establishes and solidifies your reputation. Whether it is in person or over the phone, in email on or Facebook, every single move you make is the essence of who you are.
Here is a simple exercise that demonstrates just how powerful a reputation is. As you read each word below, think about the first person that pops into your head.
Happy
Mean
Genuine
Hypocrite
Funny
Sad
For each one of those words, I know the image of someone entered your mind. That is the impression you have of them which in turn represents their reputation.
What words do you want to be associated with? What description do you want attached to your name? Remember “Your Reputation is Everything”.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Enough is Enough!
I am so tired of dealing with people that say one thing and do another. Make commitments that they don’t keep. Offer something and then not follow up. I am so disgusted with this, that I am finally making a commitment to myself and all those reading this blog that for me “Enough is enough!”
I am no longer going to tolerate lack of responsiveness in others. I am going to call out people who tell me they will get back to me, give me a call or volunteer information only to never be heard from again. I am going to find someone else to buy from, sell to and work with.
My guess is if you are one of these people, you are not reading this blog. I bet those of you honoring me with your time are just as frustrated as I am. I imagine my followers are the exact opposite of those I described in the opening. In fact, let me speculate who you are as my reader.
You make promises and then keep them. You don’t need a signed agreement to stay true. Your word is far more valuable.
You offer great customer service. You look for ways to solve problems, overcome obstacles and value relationships.
You treat your employees like gold. People like to work for you and refer friends and family to you often.
You understand the importance of being on time, responding to emails in a suitable manner, and calling people back when you say you will. And, on those unforeseen circumstances that throw you off tract, you begin your communication with the words, “I am sorry.” You are quick to apologize for being delayed or the rare missed deadline.
Right now I imagine you are picturing those people that you cannot count on. Images of those who have let you down, given false promises, and continued on without any realization they are wrong. You know exactly who they are.
So, I ask you “How long will you continue to tolerate this disrespectful attitude?” When will you join me in saying “Enough is enough”?
Let us together dedicate ourselves to only associating with people that care, keep commitments, value honesty and integrity. Let’s walk away from people that do not have the same high standards as we do.
For once and for all – Enough is enough!
I am no longer going to tolerate lack of responsiveness in others. I am going to call out people who tell me they will get back to me, give me a call or volunteer information only to never be heard from again. I am going to find someone else to buy from, sell to and work with.
My guess is if you are one of these people, you are not reading this blog. I bet those of you honoring me with your time are just as frustrated as I am. I imagine my followers are the exact opposite of those I described in the opening. In fact, let me speculate who you are as my reader.
You make promises and then keep them. You don’t need a signed agreement to stay true. Your word is far more valuable.
You offer great customer service. You look for ways to solve problems, overcome obstacles and value relationships.
You treat your employees like gold. People like to work for you and refer friends and family to you often.
You understand the importance of being on time, responding to emails in a suitable manner, and calling people back when you say you will. And, on those unforeseen circumstances that throw you off tract, you begin your communication with the words, “I am sorry.” You are quick to apologize for being delayed or the rare missed deadline.
Right now I imagine you are picturing those people that you cannot count on. Images of those who have let you down, given false promises, and continued on without any realization they are wrong. You know exactly who they are.
So, I ask you “How long will you continue to tolerate this disrespectful attitude?” When will you join me in saying “Enough is enough”?
Let us together dedicate ourselves to only associating with people that care, keep commitments, value honesty and integrity. Let’s walk away from people that do not have the same high standards as we do.
For once and for all – Enough is enough!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
How Does Your Thought Garden Grow?
Many of you know I am in the middle of writing a book on the law of attraction which I have entitled In-Joy.
Just today, an excerpt of the book has been published on line as a short article entitled Your Thought Garden. Below are the first two paragraphs of the piece.
Your Thought Garden: “As more and more people begin to understand the power of their mind and how their thoughts manifest into reality, the greater the need to find ways to cultivate what they think about. The Law of Attraction clearly states what you think about you bring about. Yet, how can we control our thinking in such a manner that we will be able to clearly focus on attracting only what we want in life and steer clear of what we don't?
In order to help you with this concept, picture a garden. This garden has nothing planted in it yet: just rich, tilled soil ready for the seeds to be placed in the ground. Now imagine sectioning off your garden and placing markers in the dirt that are ready to be labeled. Consider this your Thought Garden.”
If this intrigues you, I would be honored if you let me know what you think by reading it in its entirety at http://ezinearticles.com/?Your-Thought-Garden&id=5052909
Just today, an excerpt of the book has been published on line as a short article entitled Your Thought Garden. Below are the first two paragraphs of the piece.
Your Thought Garden: “As more and more people begin to understand the power of their mind and how their thoughts manifest into reality, the greater the need to find ways to cultivate what they think about. The Law of Attraction clearly states what you think about you bring about. Yet, how can we control our thinking in such a manner that we will be able to clearly focus on attracting only what we want in life and steer clear of what we don't?
In order to help you with this concept, picture a garden. This garden has nothing planted in it yet: just rich, tilled soil ready for the seeds to be placed in the ground. Now imagine sectioning off your garden and placing markers in the dirt that are ready to be labeled. Consider this your Thought Garden.”
If this intrigues you, I would be honored if you let me know what you think by reading it in its entirety at http://ezinearticles.com/?Your-Thought-Garden&id=5052909
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Give Yourself a Standing Ovation!
Over the past few months I have been studying the behaviors of highly successful people and comparing them to those individuals that just can’t seem to find their way. The more I observed both groups the stronger I felt about one thing. We are the only one that can motivate ourselves. No one else can do the job for us. Our personal happiness lies within.
Now don’t get me wrong. I believe we can be influenced by outside forces. In fact I pride myself on living my life focused on being a positive influence to others. But I am only able to inspire someone. They then in turn self-motivate.
As I began to explore this notion of self-motivation, I realized something that very few of us have ever experienced…receiving a standing ovation. That particular sign of recognition is reserved for entertainers, athletes, and politicians. The common guy like you and me doesn’t seem to do anything worthy of such acknowledgment. It’s not that we don’t accomplish heroic deeds. I have many colleagues that save lives every day. I know tons of people that make a difference by simply sharing their smile with others.
The more I thought about this special method of recognizing great feats, the more I thought about internalizing the process. So I started to self-motivate by patting myself on the back for my accomplishments. Whether it is working with a client, presenting to a new audience, or finishing a great run, I stop for a moment and silently offer myself praise. I picture the standing ovation for a job well done. And, every time I do this, guess what happens? I smile. The very notion of receiving a standing ovation for my work, who I am, and what I stand for brings joy to me. It encourages me to keep going when I am not feeling so positive.
So, do yourself a favor. For the rest of this week, give yourself a standing ovation for the little things and the big things you do well. Then comment back on how many times you smiled in the process.
Now don’t get me wrong. I believe we can be influenced by outside forces. In fact I pride myself on living my life focused on being a positive influence to others. But I am only able to inspire someone. They then in turn self-motivate.
As I began to explore this notion of self-motivation, I realized something that very few of us have ever experienced…receiving a standing ovation. That particular sign of recognition is reserved for entertainers, athletes, and politicians. The common guy like you and me doesn’t seem to do anything worthy of such acknowledgment. It’s not that we don’t accomplish heroic deeds. I have many colleagues that save lives every day. I know tons of people that make a difference by simply sharing their smile with others.
The more I thought about this special method of recognizing great feats, the more I thought about internalizing the process. So I started to self-motivate by patting myself on the back for my accomplishments. Whether it is working with a client, presenting to a new audience, or finishing a great run, I stop for a moment and silently offer myself praise. I picture the standing ovation for a job well done. And, every time I do this, guess what happens? I smile. The very notion of receiving a standing ovation for my work, who I am, and what I stand for brings joy to me. It encourages me to keep going when I am not feeling so positive.
So, do yourself a favor. For the rest of this week, give yourself a standing ovation for the little things and the big things you do well. Then comment back on how many times you smiled in the process.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
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