In the past few months I have attended several “women only” events. And, whether it was a luncheon, business gathering, or mother/daughter celebration, there was one common theme: Women talking about other women.
Over the same period of time, I have also been involved in all male meetings. Most were business get-togethers and a few were just hanging around my husband’s friends. Again, one common theme: Men talking about other men.
Common theme – yet, very different.
I rarely heard a word of praise for one another among the women. Their conversations focused more about poor taste in clothing, hair and makeup. The world of business rarely came up although the majority held jobs. There were talks of ex-husbands and mother in-laws from hell, movie stars gone bad and even complaints about their immediate family.
When the guys mentioned someone, they usually were accompanied with the name of a sports team. Discussions went from protesting a bad shot or a missed call to praising a no-hitter or unbelievable catch.
Both groups brought up the past. The ladies talked of scorned lovers and best friends gone bad. The guys reminisced about Cinderella teams, green jacket winners and legend players.
As I reflected on this disparity, it dawned on me. Is there really a glass ceiling? Or, is it simply a reflection of who we are? Although we are making strides in the workplace, most women do not proactively help each other get ahead which comes natural in our male dominated world. Many females have not yet figured out how to get past the pettiness and move toward greatness for one another.
Perhaps it is because boys start their lives off playing on a team…from t-ball, to little league – they grow up learning to count on one another to make a basket and score a touchdown. They kick one another’s rear ends in the locker room but give a high five on the field. A good number of women didn’t experience that type of camaraderie when they were little and I think that might be why they find the team concept foreign.
If you are a woman reading this, I encourage you to find just one other female to mentor, inspire and persuade to reach for more in her life. Find ways to help her achieve all that she can be. Help her focus on her potential, lose all bitterness toward others and challenge her to live in her own greatness. Once, you have, find another and another.
If you are a man reading this, please don’t talk about it to another woman…it may make her mad.
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I may get into trouble for this, but:
ReplyDeleteI also have noted this disparity. There was one women I mentored, who rose in the ranks, and never looked back. I thought to myself,“I don't think that’s how the old boy network works. Maybe women just don’t get it?”
Great subject. Perhaps women are deluding themselves by joining “Women's Organizations”. Perhaps some organizations are just the next step above a sorority. Business organizations (men or women) should be about helping each other succeed. And as you suggest, those women who understand can mentor one woman at a time.
If guys can do it, and it works, why can’t women help each other succeed?
I don't see guys doing it. In fact, I have noticed in many industries, that if someone gets good, the workers around them get paranoid and begin to sabotage them. I think men are just as prone to pettiness, selfishness, and irrelevance. It just comes out differently (often by saying one thing and doing another). I think the cattiness on the part of women, and the underhanded sabotage on the part of men, is simply a manifestation of fear of direct competition.
ReplyDeleteThat said... I am an innovator. I created a successful business model for Small Business Webmasters. Then I started a training program for Small Business Webmasters, sharing my trade secrets in the process. When I did, I found something interesting.
When I start training someone, I have to teach them NOT to fear their competition. Men and women both have this issue. I have to teach them how to cooperate with their competition when they can, and then to focus on other things when they can't.
The first comment I get from both men, and women, when I tell them what I do, is "But you are training your competition. That just isn't good business!". If I release a piece of automation software, I am universally advised to NOT sell it to my competition, but to keep it for my own use only. Men and women both, are scared to help someone else in their own arena. They seem to have the same attitude in the corporate world - scared to help someone else for fear it will somehow harm themselves.
I happen to believe that you become better when you help others, even your competitors, whether as a business owner, or in a job situation. This has proven true time and again, as I have become the "go to" person for many people in my industry - and many of them are my direct competitors.
I think it is a very human attitude to fear the success of others, instead of recognizing that helping someone else makes both of us rise.
Laura
Firelight Web Studio
I'm with Laura on this one. She brings up a good point which is "that no one can really steal an idea that's already created" because there are no original ideas. If the idea already exists, it's already part of the greater conciousness...
ReplyDeleteThe mind sees what it projects. If the belief is: people (men or women) are a certain way, inevitably, the mind will find evidence to prove it true.
What we forget is that even though human beings have sophisticated brain development, we are still animals and much of our behavior has a basis within our RNA/DNA, which continues to evolve.
Thanks Trudy for providing a thought provoking forum for sharing observations.
K
Trudy, I know that cattiness (sp) can happen. We just have to focus on the choices we make - make a conscious effort to "do unto others as we would have them to do us". Focus on being kind to others regardless of how they treat us. We are only responsible for ourselves, and it is up to us to take the first step.
ReplyDeleteAppreciate your business savvy!
Carol Dollar Cronk
The really great thing about the comments I have received here and in other emails is the different ways each reader interprets the message. Again, diversity at its finest...remember I view diversity as the essence of the individual.
ReplyDelete